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If You Brush Your Teeth, Your Halo Slips

Down Over Your Teeth And Stays There

LIFE (magazine) in 1971


I found


A purple soft sack in which to keep your whiskey

A country for cigarettes, under a blanket of snow

A Christmas prayer that ends with “plan for the future with confidence”

A plea to frolic with mermaids wearing a Swiss watch for just $9.95


I found


a crisp, clear day, going 70 mph and not even breathing hard

a battle axe the color of whiskey, that makes you go ooo

not even breathing hard, in Japan

a sailboat is covered in twinkly lights, that makes you go hmmm


I found


Accu-color


a television that will make you live longer

an umbrella that gives you money if you die

floating quadrangle heads that are married to each other

under the mistletoe. Heads that will never kiss

and whiskey


I found


a gift for people who love to hug

vegetables that are newer than Mother

knowledge that you can read without shoes on

Tom and Jerry, beating egg yolks until smooth and creamy

and a dash of nutmeg

whiskey, of course


I found


there’s no such thing as wild or so-so Emba Mink for God’s Sake

that incredible density that sort of quivers in the wind shows

a hospital room is waiting for you in Coschocton, Ohio

if you love someone, show it by popping on a magicube

and Okeechobie, Florida


I found


love’s fresh lemons are the sunniest gifts you can give


I found


if you remembered what wet diapers felt like, you would be more creative


I found


Santa Claus smiles when he holds a typewriter


I found


paint can change your fort into a home


I found


touching is love. Baby powder is like love


I found


true is better than 99% of everything else


I found


no gift is better than four roses


I found


Cool ‘n Creamy is the best thing since anything


I found


reindeer, pensive in the snow

whiskey in the snow, in front of the reindeer


Eve is flavor-rich


I confess


of the eight precious metals,

typically, I only use four


I am a pen


I know


I am going to stay here forever


I found


whiskey of course


more whiskey




Ricky Garni